Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Is It For Me To Review?

It was an amazing week in the way of expensive purchases and past times, also I collected several high-numbered receipts, that I am pretty sure should become totally deductible! I'm legit! Just ask me!

go ahead..just ask me...
Here's a little grocery list..
Bodum..(price undetermined as of this writing.)
#2 - table! 40$ cash..no receipt given(?)
#3 ipod (now this one's tricky) 300$
&#4 other ipod 400$ (lol)
5 etc
also the bus was late and the restaurant I went to smelled like Drano so I didn't eat there.

The name of the restaurant is Earl's. Dont ever go there. It's crap.

Sunday, May 20, 2012



A widespread condition involving recurrent abdominal pain and diarrhea or constipation, often associated with stress, depression, anxiety, or previous intestinal infection
A chronic inflammatory disease of the intestines, esp. the colon and ileum, associated with ulcers and fistulae
Illness caused by bacteria or other toxins in food, typically with vomiting and exploding diarrhea.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Picked up this bad boy over at the local hardware store. It works great for banging stuff, and generally smashing things. Put a fantastic hole in my counter-top.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Mom, I Hate You!!!!

I must say; I have consumed a great deal of television in my time. Most of it hovers around the level of quality of the clip above.


I was planning on writing this whole long-winded, convoluted diatribe about my beloved Mi Goreng noodles, but I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you Mi Goreng. I could never sell you short like that.

I am disgusted even to post: but you understand...(tax deductions)

Price ; 2 for 99 cents
Value ; Limitless.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Sad Passing of a Great Artist

fell off a barstool; fondled a startled woman's breasts

Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim

allegedly drunken

Kinkade's word is as worthless as his artwork

filed for bankruptcy

I was lying. I hate this shit-head. Rot in hell, Goof!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Now How Do You Doubt My Pizza?

Delicious food-stuff's & many, many delectable products will be on display for your and our delectation!
Stay Tuned & Stay PUT

   <3<3<3 THERE WILL BE PIZZA <3<3<3

...like nobody's watching


The Shape of Things to Come...

mouth waters...

buy the sizzle

like its all on display

a disgusting show of force

true republic


3-piece chicken dinner?

more disgusting abuse of power

cant tell if troll or not (?)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Garlic Press Nightmare

I was starting to get sick and tired of mincing garlic cloves the traditional way by smashing them under my knife and then dicing them up like crazy, because I like to use tons of garlic in whatever I might be cooking and I like the garlic to be so finely grated that the juice starts to ooze out. I’m slow and inaccurate with my knife, and I like my fingers, so I decided that I needed to buy a garlic press. My friends were all like “you’re a sell-out” and,  “Just be a guy and smash ‘em up with your knife, dude!”, like “why would you purchase a garlic press?”. But, fuck them! I like the life of luxury and I have no time to dick around with old-fashioned methods and new-fashioned resistance to these. I didn’t listen to them. I went to Victoria’s Top Zagat Rated, most expensive, and newest culinary supply outlet; COOK Culture 1317 Blanshard St. and bought the most expensive garlic press they had. I seriously didn’t need the preening, intrusive sales pitch that the worker there threw at me from the instant I asked him where the garlic presses are, but that didn’t stop him from working me up for the big purchase. They had more than one brand see? And they are all expensive, but there’s a midrange-priced one, and two more expensive ones up from that and finally, the supreme choice, the most expensive one. Everything below the mid-range was the same price. This guy’s sales technique was to tempt with the prospect of the third most expensive to suggest a strategy of getting the customer to hopefully look up and pay more, but if failing this and lowering his price-target, most likely still falling above the median. A clever duck, but I thwarted his little pas de deux by angrily informing him I would simply buy the most expensive one, no questions asked. He looked a little hurt actually, and sweat was forming on his brow, but that’s ok, service should know its place. I snatched the stupid looking garlic press off the display-wall, accidentally taking the metal rod it hung on with it, ignored the mess I created for him to deal with, and marched up to the cash-register as he came clambering after me. He’s all cutesie and trying to be friends as soon as he’s behind the cash, and just to be conversational he tries to tell me about the LIFETIME GUARANTEE this thing has on it. "If it Breaks! You get a new one!" Dead eyed, I hand him the money and leave. That store makes me feel weird.
  So, about this garlic press I spent way too much money on… Here it is

Quisipro Counter Top Garlic Press (note the removable parts)

 I know, I know. It even looks stupid. What did I expect? It really was a bad purchase. I should have thought about it a little harder, instead I was all “I’m gonna get a restaurant grade, walk in wine cellar with climate control next, and couture humidors for holding my platnum credit cards! I’ll be like Emeril with this shiz!” I’ll admit it, it was my bad. I should have actually looked at the item before I bought it because one glance is all you need to see this is a useless piece of crap. And I can tell you right away what is wrong. It is the culture of the designers that created it. They all think they are Marc Newson, they have convinced themselves that there is some sort of definitive aesthetical standard, and wind up making work that resembles a student trying to flatter his teacher, rather than have anything to do with practical application. I should have bought one that looked like this…

Sure, you still have to wash it, but at least you can!
  Or this…
A Real Man's Garlic Press!
    Simple, I know, but instead I purchased my way into no end of garlic pressing headaches. The jalopy I chose seems to present no end of problems. It’s got 3 different small detachable parts that are easily lost, for one. That’s an instant fail in my garlic press book, but it has worse, technical difficulties when you actually get it out of the box and put it to use. For one; when you squish the garlic clove in the (removable and plastic) receptacle, more than half of the garlic goes up the sides, and you have to fish it out with your fingers. Next; where the crushed garlic comes out… It’s not flush with the surface of the handle! So you can’t scrape it off with a knife and all the crushed garlic just collects in this recess. It’s like the dumbest, most obvious design flaw. It makes me think they didn’t test a prototype, because FUCK PIECE-SHIT DON’T WORK!!! Oh, it’s got a lifetime guarantee alright. If it ever breaks… and let me tell you, I’ve tried. This hunk of garbage is indeed indestructible, so it will come in real handy when I want to crush garlic ineffectually during a nuclear holocaust, sure, but other than that, I feel that I have been had! Absolutely DO NOT BUY the Cuisipro Brand Countertop Garlic Press (with lifetime guarantee). You might as well throw your money down the toilet.

Official Trough & Gutter Rating: ZERO